Avast, me hearty bowls of soup! Welcome again to Plundertales, a chronicling of my journey to greatest technique recreation Complete Battle: Warhammer 3 as vampire pirate Rely Noctilus with out ever touching grass. After we final noticed Noctilus, he’d simply obtained a problem from his historical rival Gents Jenkins, crudely scrawled on the rear of a service pigeon (I needed to google ‘do birds have buttocks?’ to jot down that.) I say historical rival, it’s been about 15 turns, however Horace mentioned the column wanted extra drama and that Noctilus’ ongoing battle with the weevils to reclaim his biscuit tin ‘wasn’t testing effectively’ with the Treehouse’ preview viewers. Avast, Jenkins! (I actually ought to discover out what avast really means.)
You will discover the specifics of this playthrough in my earlier entry, however right here’s a fast recap of the just about solely arbitrary guidelines I’ve set:
- No touring throughout any landmass on the complete map. Sea solely. I can seize ports, however the one manner I can go away the ports is by way of sea once more. I can enter and go away the Galleon’s Graveyard as I please.
- I’m enjoying on Very Laborious marketing campaign, Regular battles. Battle AI issue is on max.
- You’ll probably see screenshots of me combating on land. That is simply what the sport does for sea battles. It isn’t actual grass. Ditto for sieges and port battles. Not actual. I’ll by no means, ever, contact actual grass.
- The sport generally plonks Noctilus on close by land as soon as I’ve completed taking a port settlement. So long as I instantly return to sea on the first attainable alternative, I’m good.
It’s flip 21. We analysis some casualty replenishment – much less limbs on common within the military than I keep in mind – and put together to assault Jenkins, however not earlier than christening our Gunnery Wight ‘C. Montgunnery Burns’ as urged by James within the feedback final time.
“I refuse,” says Jenkins once I click on on him. I’m afraid you don’t get a say within the matter, sunshine, as a result of that is videogames. Preventing Jenkins means going through the emasculating reality that I, a gun pirate, am really outgunned. He’s acquired mortars, plus a cannon, plus some pistol chaps. I plonk my zombies and artillery on a hill, and ship Noctilus up the left flank to soak aggro. When you’re new to Twarhammer, sure lords are successfully invincible previous a sure level within the recreation, except the AI has an particularly nasty duellist character. Noctilus, together with his therapeutic spells, can tank for minutes on finish with no worries, so I exploit him to tie up a flank. On the correct, I ship my bats on a mission to take out Jenkins’ cannons. The sacrificial bats will get munched, however I’d say it was a tremendous commerce. We will at all times construct extra killbats.
Jenkins defeated, Burns ranges up and features a crab mount – I wish to suppose it was simply ready within the ship bogs till Burns was prepared – and we get a bit of eight, a particular doodad the rogue pirate factions carry, which lets us recruit some distinctive rifle zombies. We will additionally now get our flakey paws on Queen Bess, one of many extra disgusting artillery items in the complete recreation. I can’t recruit it in elven waters although, so we nonetheless must make it out of Ulthuan in a single piece to regroup
Flip 22 now, and we’re in massive hassle. Regardless of hightailing it out of Ulthuan, Tyrion has caught up with us. He’s stacked with elven archers, a few of the deadliest and most expert bowman on this planet. Be a disgrace if some zombies with rifles they discovered on the backside of the ocean made them appear to be rank amateurs, Tyrion. Additionally, cannon beats bow. That’s simply actuality. We will’t all be magical elves, pal, a few of us pay taxes. Not me after all; I’m a pirate.
We struggle again Tyrion, messily however victoriously, killing the elf lord however dropping our centerpiece unit the Necrofex Colossus within the course of. I gained’t be capable of get one other one for fairly some time, so I’d often save scum at this level, however I don’t wish to break kayfabe. I suppose I already ruined any immersive qualities by saying ‘save scum’. I meant, uh, reverse time. Nonetheless, not doing it.
Flip 23, and we’re safely out of Ulthuan. And look who it’s! Erethond has returned from the crabs we buried him with and thought to launch a sneak assault on our capital, and in addition our solely settlement. Not occurring.
We seize Queen Bess and a few assorted zombies, do some housekeeping, and get caught in. What a tremendous choice of raised useless we’ve acquired! They barely contact our frontline, and we finish the battle with seven pleasant losses to 1300 enemy casualties. One of many losses was a mortar, although, so I’m nonetheless pissed off.
It’s flip 24, and I’ve acquired a dilemma. I wish to go pirate looking, however I can’t go away Ulthuan as highly effective as it’s. They’ll take the Graveyard as quickly as we go away. On the north of donut island is daemon N’kari, one of many elves’ foremost early recreation threats. If I can take out his enemies and reward him a couple of settlements, I can probably ally with him, giving me a Man on Land whereas I’m out swashbuckling. Males! Make the sails do the flappy factor that will get us locations faster.
It’s flip 27, and we’ve arrived outdoors a port metropolis belonging to N’kari’s foremost enemies, Yvresse. On the identical time, Alastar is advancing on the Graveyard. Our garrison isn’t dangerous, so we recruit a small power with our meager funds. We go into debt, however we’re due some plundering funds, so it needs to be tremendous. Heading up this second military is fleet admiral Henrietta Fenn. Please pop your identify ideas within the feedback, and I’ll decide my favorite for subsequent time.
In the meantime, I reckon we’ve acquired time to siege the elves down a bit. Elsewhere, a pleasant beastman wreaks havoc on their land. Thanks, cowpal, very cool.
Flip 28, and we raze the town for a pleasant chunk of money and infamy. The money is nice, as a result of we’re at present making however a single gold piece a flip. You don’t need the kind of earnings somebody can simply yank out of the air with one hand, that’s primary economics. We put a few talent factors into maintenance discount so we’re in a greater place, then hoist sail. N’kari doesn’t wish to be mates but, so we’ve acquired some extra elf killing to do.
In the meantime, on the Graveyard, Alastar is closing in. Henrietta blows on the bat whistle, summoning many, many bats, and awaits his assault. On Flip 29, Alastar sieges us, and Tyrion isn’t too far behind. I’m tempted to attend it out due to the attrition, however I don’t wish to take care of each stacks on the identical time.
Any footage of this struggle may make you suppose I acquired lazy with the micro, main Alastar to mess us up fairly badly. Actually, although, I used to be simply displaying off what number of costly models we will afford to waste, absolutely leaving the elf afraid of our laissez-faire perspective to demise normally. That’s him handled, at the very least. Henrietta pops on Amazon to order a wound-licking monkey, however supply is six to eight weeks. ‘Why am I paying for Prime for then?!’, she thinks, however Tyrion is true outdoors, so giving Bezos the black spot by way of a strongly worded e mail should wait.
It’s Flip 30, andTyrion has scarpered. Ought to have ordered that monkey in spite of everything. At Ulthuan in the meantime, Noctilus wants some replenishment. I’m making ready to go additional north to take one other elf port, when who ought to sidle up however licensed rat bastard Sloppy Cruickshank, the furriest menace on the ocean. I am often fairly tolerant to rats, however this explicit rat is on our kill checklist. Sadly, he is additionally stacked with nasty Skaven artillery.
Will we ship these rats scurrying like, uh, hamsters from a collapsing rollercoaster? Will we make it to N’kari in time to avoid wasting them? Will we ever, ever contact grass underneath any circumstances? The reply to that final query is clearly no, however as for the remainder, we’ll discover out subsequent time. Avast, mates.
